dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
