My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize