A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
