Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
