I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
its liver damage thursday
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
