the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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