I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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