This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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