Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
