he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
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"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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