I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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