I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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