I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
