I must be too annoying 4 u.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
