I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
