Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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