hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
