My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize