im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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