i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
