so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
