Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
