so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
