let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
