Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
