I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
