hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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