So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
