The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
