I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
you never un-have a 4some
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
