the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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