AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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