I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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