Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
