The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
