her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My life is pants optional.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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