Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
