no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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