he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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