I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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