All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize