lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
