U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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