Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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