scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
