Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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