you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
