nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
