he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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