Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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