im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
