I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the day after is always just damage control
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
