somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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