a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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