So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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