I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
