Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
