White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
