Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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