i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize