Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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