just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
