ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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