lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
