im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
