I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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