Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
