I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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