I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
