I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
