So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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