I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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