Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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