Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
